Might Loose My Mind
by Funky In Fishnet
Summary: Bilbo is astonished to discover that Fili and Sigrid are to marry after only meeting once. He learns just how vastly different Dwarven courting customs are to Hobbits'.


_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
_

 ** _Author Note:_** _Set after 'Battle of the Five Armies.'_

* * *

 **MIGHT LOOSE MY MIND**

Marriage?!

Bilbo spluttered so loudly that several Dwarves turned to glare, because he'd interrupted a royal proclamation. Hastily Bilbo retrieved a handkerchief to press to his mouth, as though to stop his coughing, and to stop himself from fidgeting as he did when especially vexed. The handmade buttons on his coat had been a present from Thorin and he didn't want to lose any.

But marriage, between Fili and Sigrid, that was King Bard's eldest, wasn't it? As far as Bilbo could tell, Fili and Sigrid barely knew each other. What sort of marriage would it be? It didn't appear to have any sort of foundation. In fact, it seemed rather cruel to Bilbo.

Fili, stood at the front of the hall, didn't seem to think so though. He looked calm and pleased and was wearing grand clothing that Bilbo was still unused to seeing on him. All of it seemed to feature gold in some way and he wore a gold circlet that made his hair appear fairer. Bilbo's heart had pounded in alarm when he'd first seen Fili in gold, thinking of Thorin. But Fili's eyes remained clear and he hadn't locked the doors or refused to aid Dale or tried to break the shaky alliance with Mirkwood. The blood he and Kili shared with Thorin hadn't passed enough of that curse onto him. Or perhaps it was because Fili's view of Erebor had never been an obsession as it had been for Thorin.

The proclamation was finally over and the gathered Dwarves cheered and applauded. There were some, Bilbo noticed because one was next to him, who muttered about dirtying bloodlines and how they didn't believe that a Daughter of Men could provide heirs. Bilbo's eyebrows reached his hairline and he opened his mouth to say something when a pebble pinged off the offending Dwarf's cheek. Ori didn't have his catapult in hand and was looking wide-eyed and happy beside Dwalin but Dori was looking especially proud and Nori was nearby, seemed to be concentrating on carving something. But Bilbo had learned some time ago not to trust the apparent air of innocence that Nori was wreathed in; this was the Dwarf who'd almost stolen half of Bilbo's silver tea service. And hadn't Balin once mentioned that Nori's job was 'finding out the things that few want known'?

There was Balin now, striding towards Bilbo with a happy smile that shaded with concern as he neared. "Are you all right, lad? You've gone very pale."

Bilbo blinked at him, still poleaxed by the announcement. "Marriage?"

Balin looked hugely amused now, "I suppose you have been a mite distracted lately but you've been present for enough talks that I thought some of it might have stuck."

Bilbo flushed; he'd been part of meetings that had involved discussions of Fili's marriage? He couldn't recall any. But most of his thoughts, since he'd first entered Erebor beside a gravely-injured Thorin, had been consumed by the King Under the Mountain. Thorin was awake now, thank goodness, but there'd been weeks of uncertainty and concentrated treatment from Oin, and Bilbo had done, and was doing, all he could to help. He'd spent a lot of time in Thorin's healing room. He hadn't wanted Thorin to wake up alone.

Clearly, he'd missed quite a lot despite being physically present. That was incredibly rude of him; Bilbo had always disliked people who didn't do folk the courtesy of actually listening to conversation.

He lowered his voice, very aware of the crowds, "Does Thorin know?"

Balin raised an eyebrow, "Do you think we'd have the formal announcement without his approval? Laddie, he was leading those meetings."

Which meant Bilbo had been sat beside him at the time, likely very concerned about Thorin getting too tired and when should he be having another healing draught? Bilbo coughed and gave a little bow towards a very amused Balin and escaped the conversation that was revealing far too much about his own preoccupations. How long had it been since Thorin's dressings had been changed anyway?

* * *

It was later that week that Bilbo finally gained a chance to speak to Fili about his impending marriage. At that moment, Fili was eating his way through a plate of smoked fish and toasted bread, licking his fingers with noisy relish. Too often, Bilbo had seen Dwarves attack food with so much unbridled enthusiasm that it almost put him off his own meal. Almost. The food seemed to get everywhere. Bilbo shuddered.

Kili was eating just as messily, sat with Fili in one of the smaller halls inside the Mountain. They both welcomed Bilbo with smiles and offered him a plate and tankard. This was one of their daily breaks from the endless royal work; an idea of Fili's to ensure that both he and Kili were able to relax between appointments and spend time together unconcerned with duty. Bilbo hoped Thorin, once stronger and undertaking more royal duties himself, would follow his nephews' example.

The fish was very good and Bilbo had two helpings before he cleared his throat and asked, "A...betrothal gift from Dale?"

Fili wiped his beard clean with a content smile, shaking his head. "We help them gain meat for their tables; they give us fish for ours. Politics in action."

"Tasty too," added Kili, spitting out a fishbone and hitting a tankard with casual accuracy.

Bilbo gave him a disapproving look but continued, "Is it usual? Such...quick courtships for Dwarves?"

Fili and Kili shared an amused expression. Bilbo was already sick of Dwarves wearing that sort of look around him.

"I've never understood that - courting. Why wait? I knew the moment I met Tauriel I was going to marry her," declared Kili expansively.

Bilbo stared at him. He wasn't entirely sure what he was being told or how much to believe. Kili did like to tease Bilbo and tell extremely tall tales. But Fili wasn't correcting him.

"Dwarves don't court?" Bilbo ventured, with some disbelief.

"It's not our way," replied Fili, pushing his empty plate to one side now as though to keep himself from being distracted. "We meet, we decide, we marry. We don't wait."

Dwarves chose their intended upon first meetings? They were quick to anger, battle and judge, granted, and were equally quick to make up their minds, that Bilbo had witnessed firsthand. He tried not to become distracted by thoughts of Thorin again. Still, this was...no courtship?

"Mum and Dad met on the battlefield," Fili continued with a smile that spoke of how much he loved this story. "On opposite sides too. Mum brought him to his knees; he got a sword to her belly. They were betrothed by week's end."

Bilbo blinked – he didn't know what to do with that tale. It was unlike any courtship story he'd heard before, though he supposed it hardly actually counted as a courtship. Thinking of all the Hobbit courtings he'd witnessed, the Dwarven way was unfathomable and practically cold to Bilbo's ears. Fili was on a roll now.

"Balin and Klina were both tutors for Mum and our Uncles; they were married within two weeks. Bofur and Morip grabbed the same ale in the Pumpkin Arms; they took a day to get betrothed and another to marry. Bombur and Thria met when they were younger than Kili. They married the day they got their majorities."

Bilbo waved a hand, trying to take in all of these extraordinary words, his head not only swimming but pounding now. Dwarves were created to confound him.

"And you said before you'd barely met Sigrid," he said at last, remembering a conversation from several weeks ago. "You never even talked to her."

"I was busy keeping her and her kin safe from Orcs," agreed Fili with a grin. "Anyway, royalty has other things to consider in marriage. Our marriage will tie together Dale and Erebor, as will our children."

"Mum made sure they met properly after," Kili pointed out. "Fili managed to talk to her then."

"At least I didn't ask her to check my breeches."

Their good-natured teasing continued as Bilbo dazedly considered what he'd been told. Sigrid and Fili were marrying for politics, for their kingdoms, after meeting properly only once before. Hobbit marriages were long-lasting and mostly very happy, after several months at least of successful courtship. How on earth did a Dwarven marriage work?

"You talked once?" he asked Fili again.

Fili nodded, that content smile appearing again, "I think it'll be a good marriage."

"But you won't, I mean, you won't talk to her again before the wedding? You won't spend any time together?"

Fili looked at Bilbo oddly, "That's what marriage is for. The wedding's within the month."

"So Hobbits court like Men, then?" surmised Kili, finishing off the last of the bread. "Saw it happen when we worked in the Blue Mountain forges. All that talking and not-talking and worrying. Never seemed to lead anywhere strong."

Bilbo thought about Hobbit courtships; the flower giving, first dances, walking, boating, kissing, shared meals, working for the family and how every Hobbit loved a wedding. Everyone in the courting couple's villages became interested and involved, enjoying the sight of a good happy courting. It was discussed at great length until the betrothal did or didn't take. Bilbo couldn't quite imagine courting being done in the hasty, well, non-existent way, that Fili and Kili were describing. He cleared his throat; feeling a little defensive.

"My parents met in apple-picking season; their courtship lasted months. Of course her father had to be convinced of my father's intentions. But my father brought her red hollyhocks, forget-me-nots and enough lilies to scent a meadow, so everyone knew he was serious."

"They did," stated Fili, sounding bemused.

"Ori's knitted Dwalin a few jumpers," replied Kili, as though trying to find a Dwarven comparison. "And of course there's the beads."

Fili tapped a fingertip to the cluster of amber beads at the bottom of one of his braids. Bilbo had noticed that practically every Dwarf wore at least one bead or metal piece in their hair or beard. He hadn't asked anyone what they meant; Thorin had always given off an air that explicitly suggested questions were not welcome. He probably would have taken offence. Fili apparently didn't because he began explaining.

"We make them – for betrothals, weddings, births, victories, bereavements. Everything's marked."

Well, that was a courtship gift of sorts. A very personal one, Bilbo could see that.

"So a declaration of intent then?" he posited, feeling on firmer ground now.

Kili nodded, looking proud. "Tauriel's wearing mine now. Green and gold."

"Mmm, only I don't think Mum ever had an Elf in mind when she taught us how to bead," Fili pointed out.

Kili grinned, unrepentant. Captain Tauriel was now living in the Mountain, apparently to be close to Kili. Her King had banished her for acting against orders during the battle and had made it clear he had no intention of rescinding it. Bilbo could well-remember the coldness that he'd seen in King Thranduil's gaze during that first meeting after the battle as he'd made his demands for missing gems even in the face of so much loss. But was Fili implying that there were to be two weddings?!

"You're betrothed too, Kili?"

Kili revealed a series of beads hung on a chain around his neck, his expression full of boyish pride and delight. "Asked her last week. You were there when everyone heard about it, with Uncle, for a change."

Bilbo barely heard the teasing jibe, more concerned by how he had somehow missed out on another enormous piece of news. A Dwarf marrying an Elf; he couldn't imagine many Dwarves were pleased with that. He couldn't have missed Thorin's reaction, surely?

"It's going to upset King Thranduil," Kili continued gleefully. "Uncle's really pleased about that."

Ah, of course he was. The chance to truly frustrate and anger the Elven King who had caused Thorin so many problems. And that was strong enough to wipe out the expected fury at his nephew and heir marrying an Elf? It seemed unlikely, even with King Thranduil as a strong distraction.

"Is he pleased about everything else?" Bilbo ventured delicately.

Kili grinned fiercely, like Bilbo had often seen him before he let an arrow fly. "He will be. Mum says she'll send him to sleep again if he tries blocking the marriage."

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. Apparently while Dis hadn't ever had an Elf in mind for her son, she was willing to fiercely defend his choice. "And he won't?"

Fili smiled. "He was outvoted. There's a lot to be gained with Tauriel in the Mountain. She's made a friend of most warriors and makes a good account of herself daily in training and sparring with Dwarves. Her eyesight benefits hunting and guarding beyond anything dreamed and she takes any duty without complaint. That, with Durin blood, promises a strong future for our line."

Kili looked proud and happy and Bilbo decided to privately take it up with Balin and Thorin later, to truly discern how certain Kili and Tauriel's marriage was. Both Kili and Fili were convinced; Bilbo only hoped they weren't being overly optimistic. He had witnessed Dis take on her brother before though; she usually won.

Speaking of, he hadn't seen Thorin since before he'd set out to track down Fili and Kili. Now, his mind swimming with thoughts of Dwarves and marriages, something began nagging at him. Had he missed out on vital betrothal information about Thorin as well? His stomach turned.

He cleared his throat, fingers fiddling with his coat buttons. "Your mother never chose another?"

"She will," replied Fili confidently, his mouth moving with an amusement that Bilbo was already wary of, with good reason it seemed. "And Uncle never has."

Bilbo dropped his hands from his coat, aware of how heated his face felt. It was a logical conversational link to make; Dis and Thorin were siblings after all. He coughed loudly before answering.

"You can't be sure, of course. I mean, I doubt Dwalin announced it to everyone when he and Ori-."

"Of course he did." Kili was grinning too much. "He and Ori are just waiting for Ori to reach his majority before marrying. And I know Uncle's never chosen anyone before. Mum said so the other night."

Bilbo went to answer before faltering and parsing Kili's words 'never chosen anyone before.' Fili and Kili were both grinning too much now and Kili was doing so while chewing with his mouth open. He was going to spit out another fishbone, Bilbo could tell.

He glared at them both; his face still heating, his mind swimming with what could and couldn't be. Thorin hadn't said anything. He hadn't...Bilbo's fingers touched his coat buttons again. Thorin hadn't mentioned who had made them; only that they were a gift, to make up for the ones Bilbo had lost since leaving Hobbiton. Bilbo stared down at the buttons, his heart pounding, staring at the colouring that complimented his coat and the way they were weighted perfectly for the material. Someone had taken a lot of care with them. He'd assumed they'd come from one of the smithies, from one of the many Dwarves who worked there, as Thorin had once worked in the Blue Mountains. He'd assumed. What else had Bilbo missed?

Fili and Kili didn't say a word more; though their eyes shone as Bilbo left the hall with a hasty bow and a muttered goodbye. His heart was still pounding and his fingers hadn't left his coat.

 _-the end_


End file.
